Oh dang, why does weight loss have to be so freakin hard. As I was telling my kiddos, if I could instantly shave it off I sure would I know I can't. It's going to take as long as it took to put it on as it will to take it off.
I have such a long way to go. I have dedication right now because all the doctors are hopefully that if I loose the weight, IIH goes away (though part of me is scared of what to do if it does not). The dreadful moment when you step on the scale and realize...GASP, you have over a 100 pounds to loose. And you think...what the hell was I thinking? Did I really gain that much weight?
I do blame my doctors though for part of it. Two years ago I was on a roll. I started working out to Jillian Anderson. I was on her 30 day shred and I was so wicked up I was up to level three. I was doing step pushups and loosing weight steady and surely. I got all the way down to 250.
Then came the kicker. We have to up your medicine. Me --what do you mean you have to up my medicine?
Doc, "It's not working. You're steady, but your optical nerves are still swollen and that is of concern."
Yeah, fuck it all I had to say. Up to went to 1.5 grams and with that, my breathing became non-existant. Jillian was no more. I found myself having to stop through most of it just to catch my breath and then doc says, "I don't recommend you do that anymore."
Was the biggest blow to my ego. Perhaps I should not have listened to him and I might be at my regular weight, but I went into a slight depression. Back to the same ol' usual routine.
You know, it really sucks to have an incurable disease. You don't realize how much others who have cancer and other diseases without a cure think about it constantly. I have faith that God will heal me and my weight problem if I am diligent and on task.
I started doing a fitbit challenge with a friend. I won the first one and literally hurt for three days. Then we had a weekend challenge (which ends today in two hours) so yeah I lost this one. But, there will be more and I am actually going to up my game with money. Incentives work for me and I have to find a way to keep myself motivated. I'm going to create a pot. Everytime I win a challenge, 1-2 dollars go into the pot. At the end of the year, the pot is mine to do what I want with it.
Now here comes the fun part, finding the jar and seeing it on a daily basis.
Not so fun, pushing myself beyond my limit.
